Saturday, October 18, 2014

Don't Cry Over Spilt Wine

by Brandon Wainscott


Well do cry. Wine lost is always tragic. But don't cry about that red wine on your carpet. Aside from carpet cleaner another option is milk. I saw it on some movie or TV show and tried it out last night. And it works pretty well. What you do is wipe up the excess with a wet rag and then pour milk on the spot and wipe with another wet washcloth. Continue pouring milk on and wiping until it is cleaned up. Most of it should clean up but if there is any that is left some carpet cleaner should do the trick. Even a good hard scrubbing with warm water should do the trick. Those hippies who hate chemicals can teach you a lot!

Of course stains are never really cleaned up anymore than anything is really deleted from your hard drive, but when I delete certain pictures from my computer for moral reasons (I think you know what I mean!) they are still there, but no longer there to tempt me. Still technically, just like the FBI can find that Herbert the Pervert stuff--my advice is get stuff normal people look at--you'll see the stains once you take up the carpet. But at least it will be out of sight. Oh, and by the way, just so no one worries, I don't look at kiddie porn. Or porn at all for that matter. Honestly it's far too fake for me. Animal like, as if love making is supposed to be that way. It's like chugging a $60 bottle of burgundy if you make love like they do in a porno. And even nude pictures have that fakeness to me like Boone's Farm. I don't even get the glory of strip joints. Not that I'm knocking anyone's game--well, the kid porn I am, perverts--but here's what I prefer, just if you'd like to know, when it comes to "inspiring" images for "private pleasure".  I doubt you did want to know, but for me it's something a bit more real to look upon than some playgirl:



Karlie Kloss, the champagne of the fashion industry. I'd love to have a bottle of wine with her if you know what I mean. Oh what a pleasure to pop a cork, my friends, but most of all to put it back in. Cheers!

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